S-E-X in the Country

WARNING: This post is about S-E-X…so if you are offended by the mere mention of the topic, please don’t read!

(Prudes-Leave NOW!)

Plus, please be forewarned that there are not many picture thingees in this post.
(…but that might be a good thing, given the topic.)

May 31 2015 010

Let me tell ya ’bout the birds and the bees
And the chickens and the trees
And the moon up above
And a thing called ‘Love’…

~.~

I don’t think  EVERYONE was offended with my last post… so I’m going to try it again.

Since my blog topic yesterday touched upon the subject of S-E-X, I thought it would be enlightening to talk about it in more detail today since it was, roundabout, the reason that Wally-Roo had to go.

The bulk of a Hen’s existence is spent eating, pooping, and laying eggs. If there is a rooster, S-E-X will be part of their day as well. Hens can lay eggs without a Rooster, but the eggs will not be fertilized, thus, no hatching of chicks without a Rooster in the picture.

In order for an egg to be fertilized, a hen and a rooster must have S-E-X. As you can imagine, a Rooster is driven to have S-E-X. He is hardwired to procreate at all costs. Hens lay eggs. Roosters fertilize. Roosters also protect the hens (from predators AND other Roosters) so that the hens can lay eggs and hatch chicks, thus, procreating.

I would like to interject something right here. What your Mama told you was wrong. That red, bloody-looking spot in the yolk of an egg does NOT mean the egg is fertilized. It can be caused by a number of different things, but it does not mean the egg is fertilized.  A fertilized egg looks like a tiny white bulls-eye on the yolk. (Right now, I’m sorry I don’t have a picture-thingee.) YES, seriously! A Bulls-eye. Kind of comical, isn’t it? It’s a solid white spot with a ring around it. In order to hatch chicks, a Hen has to sit on and keep the fertilized eggs warm for 21 days. A fertilized egg doesn’t start turning into a ‘chick’ until it has been warmed consistently and constantly by a hen or artificial means.

Are you still with me? Now lets get back to the S-E-X part.

Some Roosters are ‘gentlemen’. Others are ‘rapists’. Some Roosters woo the ladies, doing a little dance for her with their wing outstretched. If the lady likes what she sees, she submits to the Rooster by crouching down with with her wings slightly away from her body and her tail up. The Rooster takes that as a signal that she likes him and is ‘agreeable’ to do the deed. He climbs on top of the hen and…they have S-E-X.

“What does Chicken S-E-X involve, exactly?” you might ask. A Rooster has no external appendage. “IT’ is on the inside of his Cloaca, and it ain’t MUCH. The ‘Cloaca’ is  the posterior orifice of  both male and female chickens, sometimes called the ‘vent’ in chickens. Chickens do not urinate. The urine is mixed in with the poop, and both exit the Chicken’s vent. Eggs also exit through a Hen’s vent. And…as you might have guessed by now…S-E-X involves the vents of both parties.

In order to have S-E-X, the Rooster stands on top of the crouched Hen. He grabs the feathers on her neck, or sometimes will grab her by the back of her comb in order to steady himself while he is on top of her. He steadies himself atop her and quite simply, touches his vent to her vent. Once their vents touch, that’s IT! It’s over. Done. El Fine…The End. He gets off of her, and goes about his business. She then gets up and shakes her body and ruffles her feathers to get everything back in place and goes on about her business, too. No cuddling afterwards.

If the Rooster mounts a wiggly, struggling, unsubmissive Hen, or if the Hen the Rooster is trying to mount is too big for him, it is often NOT a simple act. Too much struggling and wiggling by the Hen, or too much of the Rooster struggling to stay on top or stay balanced can hurt the hen. Some (not all) Roosters have spurs on their legs that can dig into the Hen’s back while he’s struggling to maintain his balance, but often, just his claws can dig into her back. Rough S-E-X can cause feather loss on the neck or back of the Hen, and can eventually cause bleeding in that spot once it is bare of feathers. This also occurs if the Hen is being ‘serviced’ too frequently, meaning there are not enough Hens per Rooster, or there are too many Roosters per hen…which brings me to… ‘The Rapist.’

Hens choose to belong to certain Roosters. Who knows why they choose a Rooster. Maybe they sense He will be a good protector…or maybe they like his ‘moves’ when he does his little dance. If  a Hen is part of a Rooster’s clan, that Rooster will protect her from predators and other Roosters.

Maybe there are not enough ladies to go around. Maybe the Roosters are just not attractive to the ladies, or maybe they are just plain mean…but sometimes, the ladies just don’t like certain Roosters. Roosters who have no ladies, still want to have S-E-X, and they are often NOT Gentlemen, but Rapists, and will ‘take’ the ladies without them submitting.

Sadly, these ladies do not even get the courtship dance. The Rapist Roosters are rough and grab them violently while the Hen struggles to get away. A Hen does NOT like having S-E-X with a Rooster who is not her man, and she cries out in distress. Often, the Hen’s man will come running to try to save her, but often, he is just too late. The deed has been done. She shakes herself off, a soiled dove, and shamefully follows her man back to the group.

Rapist Roosters stress the hens OUT because they are always being stalked by the Rapist Roosters, and are constantly having to be vigilant and out-run the Rapist Roosters before they get caught. Stressed Hens are not Happy Hens. Unhappy Hens do not lay eggs.

So there you have it. Everything you ever wanted to know about Chicken S-E-X, but were afraid to ask. I think I’ve pretty much covered everything I can think of.

Are there any questions?

14 thoughts on “S-E-X in the Country

  1. I thought the previous post was great, I was not offended. This post is full of interesting facts. I love to learn about your chickens and and gain insight into their lives and loves. 🙂

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    1. Thank you for the reassurance, Lockie B. You are one of my true fans! 🙂 I think chickens are interesting, too, and I find chicken S-E-X to be fascinating! …and sometimes funny…and sometimes infuriating.

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  2. We had 29 roosters over the summer, a lot of the little shits were, as you put it, of the rapist variety. I called them Scoundrels. They are in the freezer now.

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      1. Of the 45 chicks I started last spring, only 16 were girls. You should have seen the chaos! There for a while, the coop was like a war zone. And you’re right, a stressed, unhappy hen does NOT lay eggs. Until we butchered the last of the boys, I only had 1 hen laying. The rest were too… frazzled, I guess. I spent a lot of time lecturing the boys on why the hens didn’t like them much, but you can imagine… they don’t listen well. We did keep one rooster, my only gentleman in the bunch.

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        1. Wow. That’s amazing you had so many roosters out of all of those chicks. I’m stunned. Can’t imagine the chaos around your house. I guess sometimes there is only one kind of ‘lecture’ a rooster understands. I’m glad you at least had one gentleman in the group.

          Liked by 1 person

    1. …or even thought to think about learning, huh?

      I’ve learned a lot through observation, but maybe if I learn some more, I could become a Chicken S-E-X therapist. Actually, as I was writing about it, I could even see myself doing a National Geographic Special on it.

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  3. Very funny post, Kara….after living with a flock of chickens who were well taken care of by their devoted Rooster, I could visualize everything as I read your post….. we are currently rooster-less but the hens are happy and that’s all the matters. Great post!

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  4. Not offended here at all, Kara! Actually, I found it quite interesting. I’ll know where to come for information when we’re able to get some chicks of our own! And yes, I was also told the red spot on the yolk meant that it was fertilized … and you know, I always got rid of those eggs, too … never could bring myself to eat them, and even knowing that, I’m still not sure I’d eat them! Do you?! I haven’t seen any blood spotted yolks for quite a long while, either. I appreciate you sharing about this subject … I sure learned a lot! 🙂

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    1. It was actually several years after I got my chickens (probably after I got my first rooster) that I stumbled upon the information on the Internet about fertilized eggs, and learned that the blood spot is not an indicator that the egg is fertilized. (I really need to take a picture of a fertilized egg and post it.)

      If it’s just a tiny blood spot (like most of them are), we eat them, and we also eat the fertilized eggs, too. I have gotten a few eggs that looked really bloody, though, and I couldn’t eat those. 😦

      I hope you can get some chickens some day. I would highly recommend it. This might sound weird, but looking back on my life, having chickens has been one of the best things, and I can’t imagine my life without chickens in it. They add so much happiness to the place, and they are funny (and fun) to watch. 🙂 I would really miss not having them.

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